as you may be able to tell from the title, i'm not in the best place right now. Am off work, with a lung infection, but what's not helping is worrying about money.
I'm a 29yr old, with a very bad financial history, i still have defaults against my name because of stuff done when i was at uUniversity. "here you go, have yourself a £2000 overdraft, and a £1000 credit card" from many different banks, because at that point in life, i hadn't clicked on that the money tree was not real!
Why am i worrying now? Mainly because i've had a look at my financial spreadsheet, and am balancing paydayloans in order to survive...i currently have approx ~£1000 of them, all of which are on rollovers every month, meaning i don't actually manage to reduce the amount i owe!
I'm a 29 yr old, who hasn't been on holiday since i was 16, unless you count going to friends for a week, and sleeping on their sofa, i don't own anything of value, i rent, i don't drive, and yet i do actually earn good money!
I have a lot of very very good friends, but none of them are in a position to help me out, and, if they were, i don't think i'd be able to take up their offer, as borrowing money from friends and family is a recipe for disaster.
I'm almost at the point where i go fuck it, there's no point in being here anymore. Hopefully it won't get to that point, but it does feel like i'm edging closer and closer. I earn good wages, but most of it goes on paying back decade old overdrafts and credit cards, and none of the financial companies will lend to me, but they're more than happy to waste shitloads of taxpayers money on companies with no hope!
Sorry for the maudlinity, but i'm not really feeling at my best today, lung infection, depression coz of money, stress and anxiety.
thanks for taking the time to read this, i'm heading off to curl up and hide from the world forever
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